Creating Personal Space During COVID Lockdown

2020… we all thought this was going to be a great year, one of the best in fact. That is how every person in my circle felt. 2019 was a year of growth and gains – an alley-oop for an even better year ahead, the year of achievement: 2020. Yet, here we are, all in various states of lockdowns, quarantines and restrictions depending on where in the world you are sitting. Many, feeling socially isolated and filled with dissatisfaction from the lack of human touch that a coordinated zoom call happy hour or long distance sex toy just cannot replace.

This is not everyone’s story though. For every person missing their crew, I’m willing to bet there are others ready to rip their hair out of their head.

Let’s explore a couple hypothetical scenarios:

• Hunkering down with those 5 eclectic roomies of your in that artsy flat (with no living room, but it is cool because you share good vibes) may not seem so cool anymore when you run out of space for those crafty things you all can’t stop making and there’s a basic civil war over who can do what where and how loud and you can’t for the love of God stop your roomie’s cat from pooping in your closet and barfing hairballs onto your pillow. Yes, Mishka – I’m looking at YOU.
• That sound through your wall of your brother playing video games 2 4 – H O U R S – A – D A Y mixed with the screech of your Mom’s voice yelling down the hallway may start to blend into the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for your brain.
• 40 hours a week? That ain’t nothing. Consider your hourly rate cut in half when you need to balance three screaming (but adorable) little mouths running around you, fighting for your attention, with what you need to do to pay your bills.
• You thought it may be a bit early to move in with each other, but, thanks to COVID, you thought ‘Why not? Love conquers all, right? — Right??’. And now here you are… sharing not only your space, but your bed, your meals, your Netflix, your laughs, your cries, your farts, you fears, your cheers all day every damn day with the same person, and now you have an uncontrollable eyebrow twitch that ceases only when it’s your turn to hit the store (because you go alone).
• Didn’t you know you lived in a call center? Maybe not officially, but that is what it feels like when you have a thin walls, no space, and a roommate that talks on the loudly non-stop with anyone and everyone. is it work? Is it personal? Do they even breathe? You don’t know, and you don’t care as you fantasize (or, let’s be real, scheme) about all the ways to hide the phone because causing a few “wifi outages” hasn’t given you the (mental) break you need.

If any of this sounds familiar to you or makes you feel a certain sort of way then ding, Ding, DING, here’s a sign: You Need Space, and You Need It Now.

Now, let’s explore some ways that you may be able to make it happen for yourself.

How To Create Your Own Space

Ask for it

Sometimes it just takes a little bit of communication and coordination. Everyone has different standards and preferences to what constitutes their own personal space or the space that should be given to others. As much as something may seem obvious to you, it may not be universal, so you need to speak your mind (politely and concisely). Your housemates simply may not be aware (I don’t know any mind readers, do you?). It is also possible that they could be feeling the same way and have been too shy to bring it up.

Plan for it

Make it a priority to set at least three time slots a week (feel free more or less based on your needs and abilities) for “me time”. I believe it is a misnomer to think that just because there aren’t as many things to do due to the pandemic, that people are any less busier than usual. Even the idea of having this time to yourself may relax you and give peace of mind because it is something that you have to look forward to.

Times are crazy and more people than ever are working from home, sometimes in limited space, together. Others may have lost their jobs entirely. This is likely to cause some clashes with different work styles, requirements, and personal hours of operation. If focus during the work week is an issue, don’t be afraid to try to establish some house rules and quiet hours (The word “rule” gets such a bad wrap. Don’t view it as a negative thing because it is a way to set agreed upon boundaries that will help make everyone on the same page and more relaxed in the end). An example could be, “Hey, I often have team calls at [insert time], and I am unable to change this. I realize this lines up with when you like to watch your favorite action show, but I have tried [x, y, and z] to block it out, but it is still being heard in the background and this makes it difficult to concentrate. Would you mind using headphones during work hours?”.

Communication is key!

Take it outside

Go hiking with who you live with, and then quickly run back to the car during snack break and peace out homie! KIDDING. Do NOT do this!

Add in daily walks and exercises, even if it is starting to get a bit chilly. Have a car? I used to sit in my car to study or read in order to get away from everything. Could be worth a shot!

Not so cold? Then charge up your computer and take you work outdoors with you for a while. You may not even need internet connection if you are able to save files and work off-line. If you need wifi, hotspot your computer with you phone, especially if you have an unlimited data plan. It should not take too much unless you are downloading massive files or streaming all the time. Even so, there are probably some super cheap data plans and let’s be real, your peace of mind is priceless.

One thing to plan for though is sunlight glare. How it affects your computer is highly dependent upon the computer model and screen capabilities. I discovered this the hard way when I tried to sit on the beach with mine. I solved it though by getting a beach umbrella and shuffling around as the sun moved – totally worth it!

Lock and block it

Door handle broken so anyone can just barge right in? Fix it or get a new one. If that doesn’t work, then I suppose there is always the ol’ ‘shove the chair under the door handle’ trick!

Is sound an issue? Investing in noice cancelling headphones may also be a solution, and they may be more comfortable because they cover your whole ear versus spending hours at a time with ear buds.

Sometimes sound can travel because there are lots of cracks, like under a door. Consider adding a door sweep to block the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. Not only could this help with some sound, but it could help insulate as well.

Add some noise

Sounds counterintuitive, but not when it is a noise machine! I have been using this for years to block out the sounds of roommates on phones, neighbors, street noise and TVs. And I am not the only one. It feels like it gives my brain the ability to relax and focus on the task at hand. People who have trouble blocking out distractions, such as those with ADHD, may find this particularly helpful.

If you have never heard of a noise machine, then fret not, because it a quick internet search will show you that they are easy to buy online! There are many varieties. Some may have only a variation of white noise to play around it, and others may have accompanying relaxing sounds (great for sleep) such as waves hitting the beach, summer rain, or crickets (one of my favorites).

Leave

If you can, and it doesn’t have to be forever. A day or so could suffice.

Sometimes the only way to remedy the situation is to physically separate yourself. It is OK if others don’t understand your need. Not everyone has the same experience and not everyone heals theirselves in the same way. If this is what you need to do and you can do it in a responsible and safe way, then take this as your permission to do it. Why? Because self-care really, really matters and you need to do what is best for your mental health and well-being.

Ok – deep breath!

Sit down a moment and think of places and things that would make you feel free, then start plotting how to (safely) do the closest thing, if possible. Think of it as a mini ‘me-time’ vacay.

Not sure where to start? Here are some ideas:

• Rent a cabin in the woods where you can sit by a fire with a nice book and indulge your inner introvert.
• Want to be in the great outdoors, but getting there is just not possible right now? If you have a backyard, try grabbing some camping gear and pitch a tent.
• Scoop up a funky looking AirBnB that you wouldn’t typically live in. Or, look for one with all the spa-like bathroom amenities that you wish you had!
• I have heard there are some all-inclusive resorts that are open and adhering to all the necessary safety precautions. This could be a great way to have everything taken care of (and people take care of you) and keep your space from all you have left behind.
• Maybe your friend has a guest house, or their studio is free because they are staying with their significant other or family. Ask them if you can crash there for a little for some headspace. If they have a pet and want to get away for a little, offering to babysit their fur baby so they can get away could be the break that you need!

In Conclusion

Hopefully these tips can help get you the physical and mental space that you need from your lockdown situation. Have you found another way to get away (safely) or create space for yourself? Do you have any crazy stories to tell? I would love to hear! Please share below.